This is Real Life
Conquering the Loneliness of Motherhood
Why did I start this blog?
I started this blog for various reasons. One reason was to help moms come up with creative ideas to make memories with their littles. We only have our children for a small part of their lives and I want to make the most of it. However, sometimes it can be hard and tiring. I created this blog to give moms ideas and inspiration. Also I wanted a place to document what I do with my girls so I can look back and remember it. Who doesn’t love a good memories from Facebook notification. However, I also wanted a place to show how to manage time, because it seems like the one thing we all do not have enough of and are really short on. Finally, I wanted to create a community of moms who feel safe sharing moments, the hard and the easy with one another. We all have our struggles. Our days where life happens and we just let it slip by, or a day where tv may be the best parent for our kids.
Working Mom Life
I once was a teacher. Before that I worked as an administrative assistant. Before that I worked in a preschool and a retirement home as a waitress. I say this because I was always surrounded with people. I LOVE to be with people. They give me energy and make me want to change the world. My last two years teaching, I was a working mom. Lord bless you if this is you. It is hard to find the balance between work and home. To find the place in the middle where balance makes perfect. I do not believe this exists but if you have found it, bless you and please share!!! Balancing the chores, kids, kids at work, school administration, time with my daughter, being pregnant, oh man the stress was eating me alive. I can not tell you how happy I was when we found out that it would not be cost effective for me to work after having my second little girl. Even with my husband being deployed weeks after birth, it was still better than the thought of going into work and doing all of it again.
The Stay-at-Home Mom Life
I thought being a stay-at-home mom would be so much easier. Now, I will tell you as being a mom who experienced them both, they are both hard. In WAY different ways. I am now a stay-at-home mom, who loves my sweet girls. Just today I got to hang out with just my oldest. It was such a blessing to me. However, the people I use to see on a daily basis disappeared. I saw my girls, and my husband. (He is home now so we see home daily, but after Emory was born he was deployed for 6 months). As a result, I lost a piece of myself. A piece of my identity. Now I am Luke’s wife, or Melody’s mom. It is hard to be this independent person who now is not quite as seen. And often times it is very lonely.
I often get very embarrassed because when another adult does talk to me, I talk their ear off because well, I haven’t seen another human being who doesn’t pick their nose or cry because they can not wear a jacket in 99 degree weather.
Loneliness is a terrible thing. As stay-at-home moms I feel as though instead of branching out into the big world we like to be more like hermits. Just growing our own shell and not worrying much about the world around us. I have been going to our local library for story time for the last 2 years. Some of the moms are the same, some are different. However, I still do not know any of their names.
As grown-ups it is hard to make friends. It is difficult to put ourselves out there. I watch my girls and sometimes they just stare at the kids playing (which makes the park SUPER boring) but other times they just play right alongside them.
Why am I sharing all this?
Lately I have felt very challenged. Crystal Paine from Moneysavingmom.com recently spoke on her podcast about opening your door. Different sermons I have heard have discussed helping those around you and being unified. Currently, I am reading the book about the secret to hygge (hoo-ga). In the chapter it discusses how the people who surround themselves with others are happier. Loneliness is the cause for unhappiness.
I have a passion to unify moms together, to help one another, and SEE and LISTEN to the other moms around you. I challenge you (and myself), to step out from the hermit crab, step away from expecting others to reach out to us, and do the reaching ourselves.
How can you do this?
It truly is simple. Step one is getting over fear. The fear of being told no, the fear of another moms judgement, and the fear of your own insecurities. We all have them. It is just the truth. Even the mom who looks so pulled together probably has fought off a few tantrums in her week.
Reach out. Look for moms who may seem like they need a little extra something. A little love to fill their day. Start a little luncheon group with a group of other moms. Ask a family over for dinner. Recently a co-worker of my husbands invited us over. It was amazing. Just some pasta and cookies.
Accept the help. I have one friend ( who may read this and know I am talking about her), that every time I ask how I can help, she never lets me help! She just goes and does it herself. She is very capable, but still a little help never hurt. Helping one another builds a friendship. Builds a community. When my husband was deployed a friend of ours came over and mowed our grass. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was trying to figure out how to do that and have both my littles around. He showed up and made sure it happened.
So comment below, let me know how you helped someone today. How you joined with another mom, conquered the loneliness. And hey if your the mom who isn’t lonely, let some new friends in. Build a community. Build a friendship. It will benefit all those around you. And I will keep you updated on my own journey. Let you know how I do!